Hats- Mother, Parent, Grandparent - Different Designs

When our first child was born, I quickly discovered how ill prepared I was for my mother hat. Heather, clearly gifted at birth, did not seem to appreciate my experience as a classroom teacher, traveler, pianist and fine salad maker. I struggled with when to feed, change and rock her. My sleeping schedule and Heather's had different clocks. She was quite comfortable in her role has first born child. I however found being a mother a challenge and a journey into the unknown. I loved her immediately. I was awe struck, the moment she was born. I observed her discovering her ever expanding world. Through the years, I worked on my mother hat. I noticed it had many flaws and required maintenance, redesign and regular adjustments. I have two daughters. Each required a different mother hat, although a consistent and patient parent hat too was added to my wardrobe. Parent hat and mother hat is and are different. My husband and I worked hard to have like parent hats. The parent hat is about rituals, limits, routines and consistency. My husband traveled. When he was out of town, my parent hat remained clear and firmly affixed on my head. When he came home, that was when I quickly learned, my parent hat and his were different. Many discussions followed as we together crafted the " Alden" Way. There is something to be said about single parenting. At least, as a single parent, you are always right. Clarifying the parent hat takes time, energy and due diligence.

I wear a grandmother hat now. I find it more comfortable than my mother hat. I am not as insecure in it's design. I have a magnet on my refrigerator that states, " The first 40 years of parenting are the toughest." I think that is right. However, as a grandmother of five children I have learned an important life lesson. Grandparent hat is easier to create and enjoy. I want a magnet that says, " As a grandparent, each moment is to be treasured. Each shared experience is a gift." I am grateful that I have many different hats. Some are more comfortable than others. All are of my own design. The grandparent hat has been the one most easily created and celebrated. My grandchildren have taught me to pay attention to the moment. My grand children see me as an eager and able student.